Travels without my camera. Pie Making V Photography

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Cameras ruin travelling!  I've always thought that and haven't owned one for over 10 years now.  I find having a camera in tow really spoils the experience.

Through the camera, I find I am not seeing what I want to see, instead, I am hoping for a shot that will impress my friend, wife, mistress (oops), boss or my friend Tony who is a journalist.  Whilst this is going on, I am not taking in the scenery or enjoying it for what it is and this holds true for wildlife, adventure, bike racing and hill trekking.

I have owned cameras,  but never had much luck with them, most of my shots being out of focus or missed all together.  Below are two genuine pics I took at the Phuket Lagoona Tri-Athlon when my friend Mark was racing.  It was his camera and I told him I was no Lord Litchfield or David Bailey and below is the proof of this... as it were needed.

These were genuine attempts with his camera.   In shot one,  I got him perfectly on the finish line and it was only later at home we realised the guy 207 had timed his walk even better and blotted him out just as he broke the tape.  Didn't even notice when I took it.  Maybe he transported in.

If you look at his time, this also sadly reveals that I had a full six hours and 55 seconds to set up this shot!

Another earlier attempt brought this classic and I doubt he will be asking me for my assistance next year.

My wife did actually cap these effort with her movie of the start line.  She had set it rolling and we have great footage of the start line and the tension up until the start.   She then pressed the button to  "start" filming, but as it was already rolling she only succeeded in stopping it... just in time to miss the action.  It really was a terrible effort as if the camera had not been rolling at the time, she would have missed the start and it would have been awful but for a different reason.

Again, not staged and I hope Mark will comment on this.

In a lifetime of crappy shooting, the worst miss was when filming in Phang Nga bay for the Indian Bollywood prodction of "Blue".  During the scene where the boat is blown to bits, the English Director decided to watch the big bang from the comfort of my boat, jumping in as the countdown started.  My camera on the bow was primed ready for this very big explosion and he just dripped four or five drops of water on it as he leapt aboard and it was enough to short it out.

This will not become anything approaching a travel blog, there are many out there and none with pics worse than mine.

With the end of my first full month approaching, I do have ideas to bring some order to my erratic train of thought.  I'll do a poll for it which will confirm I have mastered the poll buttons if nowt else.

The Wanky Tankies Bar!!! Pattaya time again?

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Chatting to my mate Charlie today I discovered once again, it is almost time for his birthday.  This means two things... we are still getting older, but more importantly we might be heading back to the scene of some of his more memorable birthday bashes.  Wankie Tankies.  and that bar next door that I don't know the name of despite drinking there for almost 7 years.  Charlie tends to stay there, I stay at Tankies.

Yes it really exists and I have a number of friends in there that I have known for 6-7 years now.  Started off that I would go drinking down there at Songkran, my wife NOT being a fan and an out and out avoider of it at all costs and all  times... the polar opposite to me.  So, I was turned loose in Pattaya at Songkran, met a group of like mindeds and a new chapter began.

This bar is a retreat for me, it's somewhere I can go, just sit and chat in the day, drink tea and coffee and catch up on sleep.  Nobody bats an eye lid if I don't get up for an entire day, surface early evening and have breakfast or just plain drink all night, watch the sunrise and pop off to bed at 7am.

Charlies birthday 3 years ago as I recall had the loudest imaginable Isaan band playing on the footpath directly outside the bar next door.  The group did absolutely banging Isaan music, so fast and with dancing and shrieking and of course, drinking.  Drink plays a massive part up there and is the reason I could never live in Pattaya... unless I ever opt for suicide by chang.

We saw Elvis. Michael Jackson and even a magician all for free.   Most of the Soi joined in and the party went on till the early hours and was riveting to watch with probably 50 or so passers by just stood watching, dancing, laughing and taking pics.  I hope we can do this again some day, but I fear it won't be this year as we are all married and as such, under strict Pattaya curfews... if not outright bans.

The music is chosen by the customer and a scramble for the juke box greets the end of each track.  Broad selection from Punk days, Jam, Kinks (all tracks played, but Lola especially when the ladyboys are walking past on their way to work)  The Who 50's crooners and comedy clips.  Two clips that sum up the bar for me are Dean Martin, Little old wine drinker and the Wanky Tankies "Anthem" Nelly the Elephant by the Toy Dolls.  My 3 year old loves Toy Dolls and the teachers are having to reign him in a bit when they teach it at school.

I'll put a separate play list on one day, but for now... the music takes me back to Tennessee Wanky Tankies!

Full every night and a great atmosphere.  Not a girly bar, which for Soi Yamoto in Pattaya is unique in itself.  There is a very active social scene of two quiz nights and two darts nights every week plus the odd golf outing and cricket match.  They won the Pattaya cricket sixes last year so a great boost for a bar that is no bigger than the average living room back in England.

Legendary are the polo shirts worn at darts matches which have the word WANKERS boldly splashed right across the back in large letters.  They are worn with pride and always raise a smile at away games.    I'll get some pics at  Songkran when I am next back.

Always a warm Black Country welcome and great place to crash, being less than 100m from beach and cheap as chips. At Charlie's last birthday I attended, they were looking for golf clubs to see if they could land a ball on the beach from the bar in a bid to confirm its proximity to the sea.  Luckily for all concerned, none could be found.  Some real comedians in here and a great nights humorous piss-taking is assured, but you must sharpen your wits with a few beers to get the most out of it.

Say hello to Carlton if you are there before me and if you should see me and Charlie there... mum's the word!

The secret lives of pies.

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During a recent pie excursion, somebody was telling me that they found a pie in their freezer and the label had fallen off and they didn't know what it was, cooked it up anyway and found it to be a Chicken Curry Pie.  I explained that all pies have different hole configurations and he could have asked me on facebook what it was.

An "outloud  thought"   instantly struck me and I said, "we bakers use pies to convey secret, coded messages" I got a laugh so thought a bit more about this secret of the pies.  I told them we had to be careful what pies we sent as a random selection of pies delivered to another pie maker or retired pie maker could cause all sorts of trouble.  A careless assortment of meat pies could be read as an insult or threat and as for cornish pasties included in a a selection of fruit pies and bread..... well, I blush to think about it and certainly could not commit it to print.

The hole system was completely random, but I have now thought to line them all up, have a real good look and report back.  Perhaps there is some mystic pattern to them.  More when I have my new camera, which looks like being next week.

So... all this  this lead me on to" F**K Flowers, say it with pies" 

Great Logo and proud to unleash this original Valentines marketing ploy on the world.

Anybody want to help me out with a cartoon T-Shirt etc?  I can sell em no problem and have some events lined up.  Not sure Interflora will be impressed with this rephrasing.

Get me out of here, I'm a pie man. Memoires - Opening.

Last week, I started to write a blog about what drove me to leave my Dog (Arlo - was my greatest ever friend and my only regret was that I had to leave him behind) my secure job, house, career friends family and motorbikes.  I immediately realised that there was too much for one post, split it and split it into two, three, four posts and then decided to do a weekly installment.   I hadn't planned this but it seems like a good idea and over the course of the year gives me 52 posts in the bank.  If nothing else, I will have some raw material to work into something else next year.

In effect, it's an attempt at my memoirs, or an attempt to see if there are any memories left in my addled brain.  Not having any pictures and diarys, I am badgering people for photos and annecdotes from various places and times.  Something (Chang?) has so destroyed my memory that I have pictures of me through facebook on motorbikes I cannot even remember owning.

Age is also a factor.  Being 50 and looking at Tony growing up, I realise I'm not as young as I think anymore.  Ultimately, I suppose, by the time he is 50 and typing his stories up, I'll be boring the pants of St Peter with the intricacies of lattice work on pork and apple pies.

Originally the idea of this blog was to promote the Pie Shop, but much as I try, I can never think of much to say about it.  As soon as my hands hit the keyboard they want to type about motorbikes, travelling, working in France, diving, local diversions! and all the little things about Thailand that we love so much.  I want all my happiest fun memories in here. The few bad times along the way really are long since forgotten.... the exception being the Tsunami of 2004, but these are private memories now for most of us in Bang Niang and Khao Lak and will stay that way in this blog.

The other main thought now on the shop is that it is a minor stopping off point in my life.  I'ts not what I dreamed of doing and I have been actively planning to stop doing it almost since we started.  In a nutshell, I'd rather use what free time I have to write about mates and fun times and the Pie Shop can fend for it'self.  We spent so little time and effort promoting or expanding it, I am amazed it does anything at all.  I am just trapped by the immense wealth I have gleaned from it!!!  Its a living though and the best part of the job is I meet people every day and chat and learn things.

Later, there will be much on the mechanics of leaving the rat race in mid life.  Aimed at working or proffessional people that just had enough of life back home and want to leave.  I have quite a few people interested and when there are 50 or so, I'll start posting on this.  I do remember reading all the time during my last years in England.  Reading about work opportunities abroad and trying to turn the dream to reality.... which I did.

Yep, I did it, it was a roaring success and I have never regretted it for one single minute.  I have had 12 years of travel, excitement and friends across Europe and Asia which I never could possibly have imagined when I left school with that massive chip on my shoulder in 1977.

Background

My friends  fall into 4 distinct groups and most people in one part of my life know few, if any of people from any of the others which is a real shame as we all have had so much fun whatever we do..

There will be posts on each group.

Bikers
Harrogate Borough Council (My only real employer)
Thailand - Diving, travelling companions and People of the Pies!
Eurosite, France.  Absolutly the most exciting time of my life and I sill cannot believe I got that lucky.

Hat Yai train of thought - British Rail Pork Pies

So it was 5 years ago on the Hat Yai Bangkok sleeper.  I was working in Hat Yai and commuting once a month to Bangkok and the trains could not have been more perfect.  I could walk out of my mates bar at 5:45 and be at the station a minute later,  thence onto the train, beer in hand and en route to Bangkok.  

2nd class sleeper, bottom bunk is what I love.  It's like your own den from when you were a kid and you have light, hangers and a beautiful view out of the window... when it's light.  I once had a not too beautiful view of a kid throwing a brick at the train and it cracking my window, but that kind of wanton vandalism is very rare in Thailand.  The top bunk sways about too much and is wider so I try and stay off them.

It's great scenery from the train, but in Thailand it gets dark  before 7pm most of the year so this soon ended.  What to do with the other 12 hours of the trip?  Well, there was the buffet cart and the odd entrepreneur jumping on the train with a bucket (an actual bucket) full of ice and cold beers.  The buffet cart had us yearning for the days of old in england when at least you could get a pork pie... even though it was a joke one... at least it was a pork pie.

Train fare in Thailand consists of very old and salty bags of indiscernible snacks.  The salt I assume (as a cook... of sorts) is to preserve it and give it a shelf live of 6 months or more.  Still, as on the night bus stops, we eat it.

The toilet is the noisiest part of the train with just a hole at the bottom of it through which you can see the track   .You really don't want to be walking along train tracks in Thailand, not just because you may get run over, there is a serious chance of walking in "waste"  in various stages of decomposition.

Of course, nobody can think of trains without reference to the British Rail Pork Pie and on the Hat yai Bangkok "Special" it was no different..  The butt of many a joke, but why was it so hard?  Why was it designed to protect the pork from the eater?  maybe there was something in it they were guarding, bullion shipments perhaps, whoever would find them in the casing of a pie.

Never put me off buying them though as it was always my favourite pie, even when it was made to this standard. I prefer to see what's in them, by that, I mean chopped pork not minced left over pig that many use.  I so worry about this, that when I do use pork mince, I buy the meat I want and mince it... no ears, tails, squeak.... just pork.  Variety of cuts, but pork none the less.  The pastry stock I made last week would not have been porkier if Porky the Pig himself had fallen in and simmered for the day.

Duang also did some great lattice work on the Pork and Apple Pie and my new camera at the end of the month will start to record these.

Mind your language. - French lessons - Thai lessons

Unless there is another war, it's unlikely any of you will ever be going there!!

So we were encouraged in our studies back in the 1970's by some of the less psychotic staff.  ENOUGH was all one of them could say, he was  Chinese/French and not culturally smart enough to stay away from Northern England Schools.  We had great fun once we realised he didn't speak english and slipped all sorts of terrible words into sentences by the use of our fast Yorkshire accents.  I wonder if in later life he learned swear words and realised he had been called most of them openly throughout his year in hell.  Ripon County Secondary Modern... or colloquially...  T'Modden.. as in "ah went tat modden".


France and Europe back then were only accessible to the rich or to soldiers and none of us wanted to go there as it seemed the other side of the world. So in 2000 when I arrived in France to work I spoke no french at all.  Not even Bonjour.


Years later this stuck with me and I went to night classes, learnt German which lead me to the job in France.  I then learned some french "Poubelle" being my first word as the dustbin man on the campsite shouted over and over again.  Then the beautiful Julie and Helen took me under their beautiful wings, taught me many things!!!  and introduced me to French Karaoke.  Great times, and if our teachers had only thought to get us beered up and go out singing back then, we would all be the better for it.... linguistically.

I enjoyed it and was quite good on the listeneing and reading side.  My soft Yorkshire tones though are not whats required to speak it.  Ok for the German, but the French... non!

Next it was Thai.  I wasted 3 years learning it before I met my wife.  By this stage I was calming down a bit and looking for things to do that did not involve Chang, Sangsong and Lao Khao.  I once sat down and read out a list of thai words and she didn't understand any of them in isolation.  She later explained that Thais only really know what we are on about most of the time because of context (in a restraurant if we say Khao we want rice.. even though we may have said Hill, white or News) and gesticulating.  Scissors, pen paper being the ones I remember at the time.

There and then I stopped learning, went back to basics and learnt the alphabet, then got some kids books and I was off.  The words I learnt since then, I can pronounce better and I deliberately keep my hands still when asking for items.  It means I have to try verbally much harder than if I'm making cutting signs when asking for scissors.

It opens so many doors for us when we are seen to be learning language.  I'm looking for a new on-line forum that I can get on with it and will start learning a new word every day and posting it on the bottom of my blog.  I'll link in with any interesting ones I can find.

I started with this.  http://www.learningthai.com/books/manee/ along with baby learn alphabet books.  The learning Thai site has tons of resourses on it and is free.  Alphabet song to get us all started in a morning.  Now Tony is in Nursary, I am readying myself to improve my Thai by learning along side him.

Bakers day out - Sailing and how to dine in style at 7/1

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Great day out yesterday on the bike.  It's my relaxation day and the distance between Bang Niang and Phuket sometimes does not seem long enough.

Coming back I wait until 5pm or so, load up at Makro and then it's off into the sunset... truly the best time of day to be riding north to the tip of the Island.  The colours come out beautifully and I am promised a camera next month so will back up my claims.  Got the timing wrong yesterday and it was 6:30 when I set off back and I was low on fuel. Bugger.. this means taking the whole mess of bungie cords off the back to get at the tank... gave the girls on the pumps a laugh though and they wondering what I was making with 10 kg of  chicken, 3 tins of beans, fresh parsley and coffee beans!  Give em something to gossip about.

I even had a Billy Liar moment.  As I approached the lights 2km North of Talang...  The ones in the middle of nowhere that are always red and nothing ever coming out of that poxy side road... that one... I noticed the countdown timer was on 14 seconds.  This gave me chance to time my run and hit them at speed.    As this thought entered my head, I was whisked away through space and time to the deck of Switchblade, one of my friends boats.

On the boat, were me, Mike, Lesley, Dave and Adam Bowers (3 times world champion) who we had done some racing practice with years ago.  He was teaching us to arrive on the start line at speed and at just the right split second.  B of bang was how he said it (Pron.  Buh of Bang) .  You need to be on the line as the gun fires.  So it was at the lights, I was coaxing the bike up to it's maximum loaded speed of 75kmph in order to hit the light change at speed.  Could hear Adam shouting at me  B of bang, b of bang, and so it was... The lights changed and I had 50meters head start easily.

After 3 days intensive race training (being shouted at mostly) we had Adam hooked on pies and bread so much so he came and made some with us.  Proud moment and another mind game played in the dark on the road to Khao Lak.  Maybe one day I should try concentrating on the road and leave the dreaming till nighttime.  Maybe.

Missed dinner due to the traffic so I stopped at the 7/11 just before Talang.  As much great food as there is in Thailand, I still love being sat at a filling station late at night, in travelling mode, eating such delicacies as ham and cheese toasties, stale raisin buns a bag of BBQ Max crisps washed down with a cup of scalding 3 in 1 coffee.  Bliss and I paid 68 baht for the lot.  During my youth I had been a drivers mate and indeed a white van man in France 2 years running, so I love the life on the road, eating at filling stations etc.

I really am starting to feel the travel bug gnawing at my ass telling me to hit the road again.  This is surprising me as I was setting this blog up to gain Pie fame in Asia, not to unsettle myself and move on again.  Anyone up for France and then the Transiberean Express back to here?