Of Spice and men.

food-drink links

Much talk of Chili this week, mostly concerning how hot they are out here and how many of us discovered that "Spicy" in Thailand means don't eat it unless you are Thai.. even if we did grow up eating Vindaloo curries, Kebabs with chilli,  or extra spicy pizza after every visit to the pub on a weekend.  I have some friends coming over this season looking forward to trying our spicy Thai food so it should be interesting.

I remember making family size meals in England where the teaspoon of chili powder spiced up a whole kilo of meat.  Here, I've had dishes that were a good 15 - 20 percent chili once you had added the powder at the table and the side serving of raw chilli's.

My first experience with the Thai "Salad" was in a hotel in Bangkok when I arrived on my second visit.  I say second visit as my first stay was on a 90 day return ticket and I spent one day recovering from jet lag and the other 89 days drinking.  But on my second visit I had matured as I was now 40.

So on my second visit, by the time evening fell I had managed to lay off the booze for an entire half day and was enjoying getting a feel for the sights and sounds of the city from my hotel balcony.  The terrace restaurant looked ok and I wandered downstairs and decided a Salad would be a nice healthy western option for me.  Wrong.

I noticed the staff looking at me when it arrived and should have known something was amiss.  It was, by far and away the hottest chili dish I could ever imagine and the staff were watching to see me flinch and sweat.  I tried not to show my cowardice in the face of this dish and soldiered on with a second mouthful.

At one stage, I pretended there was something interesting happening outside.  I made an exaggerated surprised face and peered hard to the road outside.  It worked. They all went to have a nosey at it and I took the opportunity to gargle a bottle of iced water, mop my brow with half the box of tissues on the table and regain my posture before they looked back round.  This at least gave me the appearance of having survived a full 2 minutes eating without wimping out.

I settled for this respectable length of time and gave in, saying it was perhaps a tad on the hot side for a westerner.  I can eat hotter food nowadays but do tend to use it as a dietary aid... the burning sensation stopping me from over eating.  And, if nothing else, it always gives me an excuse to reach for the chang when I am out with the missus.

Three Thai Weddings

food-drink links

I do love a good wedding, and in Thailand they are good.  Three good friends married or marrying this year and I am enjoying watching their preparations on Facebook.  Facebook being my friend in times of need, ie when I am living alone on the 4th floor in the Bangkok Pie Shop.

Dave and Wan at Songs Bar pulled off one of the most relaxing days out I can ever remember.  Great atmosphere there on Bang Niang market, cooled of nicely in the eveing... eventually, and the kids also had a fantastic time running wild amongst the empty stalls.

Up now is Bubble Bee and we are having a great time with still 2 days to go.  Made a bit of a road trip out of it... so thats a diet of toasted sandwiches again, quick stop off at Khun Sarai which is the stop we hope for on the night bus journeys.

There was a full blown storm with flooding and traffic grid lock when we arrived, so to get out of it I dodged into the car park at Central Chid Lom.    When we started the Journey we were in Bang Biang in Phang Nga and dressed as we locals do in 10 year old shorts, free t-shirts from our days as divemasters and flip flops that have lost all of their flip and can now just about manage the odd flop.   Central Chid Lom is the complete opposite end of the spectrum with very expensive shops and lots of very rich suburban Thai's.  We made quite an impression!

What is most impressive is how the Bride and her family run the show.  Bubble as we know and love her is of the formidable type and was our manager many moons ago.  She is used to deciding what is going to happen and we are happy to delegate all resposibility to her and just do as we are told.... so long as it involves beer and whiskey.

Great pics to follow as we have some very good photographers and videographers here from the Dive boats.  I, as per usual have no camera.  I did get it out ready, cleared the memory card and placed it on charge..... then forgot it in the mad rush to get on the road.

Never mind.  There is always next time.  Good luck Bee and Good luck to my friend Charlie who will be here in the North of Thailand later in the year doing the same.

Video of Dave's  (Songs Bar) children miming to an old hit of his fathers.  Great views of bang Niang Market and our local village.

You'll always get a guy with a pie! JCC

food-drink links

Old favourite of mine and just putting it up to share with some good friends.

Anybody not familiar, is more than welcome to enjoy the brilliance of John Cooper Clarke

Camera - essential Thai-bloggers equipment?

food-drink links

But for not having a camera I fancy I could have been quite a reasonable photographer.  I've seen plenty of interesting and amusing things, mentally framed the shot... then left without it.  A few more of my own pics and videos would have helped the bog along as well... That said 400 reads yesterday and made the dizzy heights of 37 on blogtopsites!!!  Must do some SEO sometime.

Anyway, this is set to change with the purchase of a new camera.  The practicality of it not being able to photgraph itself is all that prevents me sharing its beauty with you.     It will make a difference and the less seen parts of Thailand will now be brought to the screen.  The cafe's behind Sai Tai bus station, the towpaths of the Sead Saeb canal that runs through Bangkok and that insane footbridge that bisects 22 lanes of traffic on 3 levels at Lad Prao and the area around Bang Sue which I discovered when I got off the train at the wrong platform and got lost.

All in all lots of out of the way places that nobody is interested in enough to photograph.  I'll leave the half billion other travel blogs to fight it out for best review of Chiang Mai Hotels.  I get so many bloggers say they will mention me etc. etc. and do I have a special price seeing as I am getting a mention.  The answer is yes... you can pay twice the price for wasting my bloody time.  Here's a map, there's Yorkshire (God located it centrally in the UK so everybody has easy access to it!), now google tight arse capital of the world (which we are) and go blog there.

I've walked most of Bangkok and, like every where else, without a camera and believe I have taken in a lot more than I otherwise would have.  I'll probably miss loads now with all that clicking and flashing distracting me... in which case, the bin awaits.

My old camera that rarely works will have a mounting fastened to the front of the motorbike and I'll attempt some moving footage of a pie delivery through Patong on a busy day.  I have the old tripod so that is easily done.  If it decides not to function, at least I know I have punished it well by tying it to the bike.  Teach it a lesson if nowt else.

So, back to the baking. I am a pieman after all and it's steak and kidney, chicken and mushroom, mince and onion, cheese and onion pasty - with mash, gravy, mushy peas or liquor.  See you at weight watchers.

Def Leppard!  I was never a big fan but I did like this track and coming from Yorkshire we do look after us own!

Visitors to Thailand... Notes for Expats families

food-drink links

A warm welcome is always assured in Thailand..... From the Thai's that is.

When it comes to pleasing us crusty expats, it's a different matter altogether.  If you are here on Holiday, we won't notice you, and other than the excessive drinking and lack of fashionable clothing, you won't notice us either.  I'm thinking of when these visitors are family, friends, ex-colleagues or just general free-loaders.. You know the ones...

"ah Hi Sam, erm I mean Steve, yes that's it, Steve,  my mum worked near the Council Office in Harrogate and says her boss, Don, or was it Peter? once asked you to serve some Court Papers for him!.... told me to look you up (bum off you) if ever I was in Malaysia, sorry , Thailand"   

Ok, come on in then... but you pay for your pies!!!.

For visiting family and friends it's easier to get off on the right foot with that long lost loved one if you follow the rules.  Using myself as an example, the first rule is..

"The welcoming smile and hospitality due are directly proportional to the amount of Yorkshire Tea bags, Sainsburys's mature cheddar, squeezy branston pickle, & tins of custard (Birds) delivered"

The details will differ across nationalities but the basic rule stands.... Come loaded.  Clothes can be easily and cheaply purchased when you get here and you will not need that Arran Sweater in Thailand (dad!).  Two pairs of shorts (old if you want to blend in with me) and T-shirts will suffice and perhaps one nice shirt in case we have to go to the Police Station for any reason. Other than that, the suitcases should be packed with goodies.

Duty free is not such an issue out here as we don't pay too much for it here anyway.  Yes, we'll drink it, and by all means bring it, but please ensure it is in addition to the above items and not instead of any of them.  Especially the cheese!!!

Rule number two.  No, and I repeat NO, as in "not any ever" photos of us at school when we had nick names such as chubby, spotty, fudgey faggot ( I really had a mate with that name), etc.  This will only see you swiftly  vacating the spare bedroom and checking into the local B&B next to the Karaoke bar and opposite the all night market.  Don't.

This will ensure a happy and pleasant stay in the Land of Smiles and if all goes well, you may even be invited back before the cheese runs out!!!

Not mentioning anybody by name here!!

On the road again - The Pies are calling.

food-drink links


On the road again tonight on the VIP!!  really gone up in the world and I only hope the movie selection is worth the extra few bob.

This year on my trips to Bangkok I have really suffered from poor CD selection on the busses.  January saw one that involved serpents, flying vampire schoolgirls, tons of  slashing and.... no plot whatsoever.  Last time we endured 2 hours of alleged Thai Humour, but as it raised the odd chuckle on the bus and went down well on the set, I'll have to put it down to belated Culture shock.   It was a Jekyll and Hyde visit that time though as on the way back down they showed a movie about an ATM maching paying out double.

It was ony in Thai, and most of it went over my head, but laughter is infectious and the whole bus was in stitches and therefore so was I.  If any of my Thai friends have it with English Subtitles I would love to watch it again.   Many highlights, the empty football stadium when the teams came out for the second half, the woman Bank Manager with photos of two of her staff at an orgy.  Was over 2 hours of well written (with the usual hint of slapstick) comedy and we were well on the way South when it ended.

The music is usually good, but I don't normally know who it is and there is nobody else awake by this time for me to ask.  Massive as the seats are.... I am more massive!

Waiting for the bus to depart, I always arrive around 2 hours early to observe life going on in and around Sai Tai Mai.  Fascinating place just to sit and watch the people coming and going and the 20 or so lanes of traffic (on 3 tiers) whizzing past as a backdrop.  Whatever time the bus departs I ensure I am sat outside the 7/ll at the front before 18:00.

This is the time the Thai National Anthem is played (the one for the country) and the Nation comes to a halt and stands to attention.  Its observed to a man and I love the idea of spending a minute or so twice a day to observe this and it's one of the few times I can participate in it.  If you plan a visit to Thailand and are not on the regular tourist trail, this is worth a look.  Another favourite place to see this is at Victory Monument.    I sometimes go down there for a coffee just so I can watch half a million people stand still when the clock chimes.  Amazing

18:02 and the chaos is is returned to normal, I sit down with my traditional travelling fare of toasted cheese and onion sandwich, vitamilk and toffi-lux biscuits.  Lovely and worth going to see, even if you don't intend going on a bus.

No decent footage from there so I'll video it next month on my trip.

Meanwhile back in The Lak, The Pies, the Pies are calling.  Sorry... It's been a long 3 weeks baking!

Handsome man???? It's just Bad Manners

food-drink

Ignorance is bliss.

When we first come to Thailand, we are blissfully unaware of what is going on "language wise" right  under our noses.  Lots of friendly sounding chatter and smiles.... must be saying the most wonderful things about me... surely?

Time is a great leveller and the more Thai you understand, the less you realise you actually knew about the people and their ways.  One of the first words we learn and hear everywhere is Falang, and we are surprised just how often they use this word in open conversation right under our noses.  But we still think it must be complimentary as it is said so beautifully.

For non expats. Falang is Guava and is also their word for white people.  A very white fruit looks like a big lumpy apple.  It is hard, woody in texture has no taste and is only edible by dipping it in chili powder and sugar.  So, we are very white.... and need dipping in chili and sugar!

Over the years I've heard staff in shops and restaurants comment on our looks, clothing, smell, spending habits and if, as I do, you travel alone and have no girlfriend in sight, they often just assume (out loud) that you are gay.  Most of this is done without the ill intent or rudeness that would be the case back home and is just a normal, acceptable level of small talk.  Even when they realise you understood what they just said right in your face, it is smiled away and life goes on.

For whatever reason,  I was in a restaurant in Phuket with my wife ordering pizza and trying to explain to her what olives were.  The waitress came over to help and they started chatting away, as you do in middle to high class restaurants.  Where you from, what about your family, babies etc.  I must explain I love this friendly behaviour and smile that they continue in their ways however bad or tasteless the classy/posh uniforms they are forced into may be.

So during the chit chat, they behaved as if I never existed and the conversation moved, inevitably to me.  Once it was established that we were husband and wife, where we met, where I was from, what work I did.- I was a diver back then so this must be pre 2004 -  I was then subjected to the following ego shattering conversation.

"Not Handsome is he?

"No" said the missus, sticking up for me!

"Is he rich?"

"No"  - I bloody well am matey, I just don't tell you about it... oooops.

"oh!  what you doing (with him).  Does he have a good heart?"

"Yes, he is good heart... what is an olive?"

Now, I can understand that the waitress could think the conversation was beyond me, but the wife knew full well that I was aware of what they were saying, but still did not bat an eyelid.  I have thought this through many times down the years.  Not because they had openly called me "not handsome" - they were wrong about this anyway, so I was not worried - but that they would openly do this and not flinch at all even when I chipped in, in Thai, that I was not only handsome, but now hungry as well, if they didn't mind.

This is still a reminder that we are culturally very different and always will be.  I do love this difference and now I laugh along when I am in a lift and they are talking about how fat I am.  More recently I hear them marvelling about how good looking Tony (my son) is, and that how much he looks like me.  When I chip in that surely this makes me handsome as well, I am met with the most emphatic "NO!"  a fleeting look of shock, then gales of laughter.... Love it.... a big leveller.

Vive le difference!  I wouldn't ever seek to modify their chattering and am rarely offended by it.  It's a permanent reminder that I now live in the most amazing part of the world.  Drives many mad... but I love it.

Fat!  the very idea!.

I always loved all this.  Reminds me of drinking sprees in the Lake District in the late 70' and early 80's with my biker mates.  No heavy metal fests for me thank you.