Handsome man???? It's just Bad Manners

food-drink

Ignorance is bliss.

When we first come to Thailand, we are blissfully unaware of what is going on "language wise" right  under our noses.  Lots of friendly sounding chatter and smiles.... must be saying the most wonderful things about me... surely?

Time is a great leveller and the more Thai you understand, the less you realise you actually knew about the people and their ways.  One of the first words we learn and hear everywhere is Falang, and we are surprised just how often they use this word in open conversation right under our noses.  But we still think it must be complimentary as it is said so beautifully.

For non expats. Falang is Guava and is also their word for white people.  A very white fruit looks like a big lumpy apple.  It is hard, woody in texture has no taste and is only edible by dipping it in chili powder and sugar.  So, we are very white.... and need dipping in chili and sugar!

Over the years I've heard staff in shops and restaurants comment on our looks, clothing, smell, spending habits and if, as I do, you travel alone and have no girlfriend in sight, they often just assume (out loud) that you are gay.  Most of this is done without the ill intent or rudeness that would be the case back home and is just a normal, acceptable level of small talk.  Even when they realise you understood what they just said right in your face, it is smiled away and life goes on.

For whatever reason,  I was in a restaurant in Phuket with my wife ordering pizza and trying to explain to her what olives were.  The waitress came over to help and they started chatting away, as you do in middle to high class restaurants.  Where you from, what about your family, babies etc.  I must explain I love this friendly behaviour and smile that they continue in their ways however bad or tasteless the classy/posh uniforms they are forced into may be.

So during the chit chat, they behaved as if I never existed and the conversation moved, inevitably to me.  Once it was established that we were husband and wife, where we met, where I was from, what work I did.- I was a diver back then so this must be pre 2004 -  I was then subjected to the following ego shattering conversation.

"Not Handsome is he?

"No" said the missus, sticking up for me!

"Is he rich?"

"No"  - I bloody well am matey, I just don't tell you about it... oooops.

"oh!  what you doing (with him).  Does he have a good heart?"

"Yes, he is good heart... what is an olive?"

Now, I can understand that the waitress could think the conversation was beyond me, but the wife knew full well that I was aware of what they were saying, but still did not bat an eyelid.  I have thought this through many times down the years.  Not because they had openly called me "not handsome" - they were wrong about this anyway, so I was not worried - but that they would openly do this and not flinch at all even when I chipped in, in Thai, that I was not only handsome, but now hungry as well, if they didn't mind.

This is still a reminder that we are culturally very different and always will be.  I do love this difference and now I laugh along when I am in a lift and they are talking about how fat I am.  More recently I hear them marvelling about how good looking Tony (my son) is, and that how much he looks like me.  When I chip in that surely this makes me handsome as well, I am met with the most emphatic "NO!"  a fleeting look of shock, then gales of laughter.... Love it.... a big leveller.

Vive le difference!  I wouldn't ever seek to modify their chattering and am rarely offended by it.  It's a permanent reminder that I now live in the most amazing part of the world.  Drives many mad... but I love it.

Fat!  the very idea!.

I always loved all this.  Reminds me of drinking sprees in the Lake District in the late 70' and early 80's with my biker mates.  No heavy metal fests for me thank you.