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Monday, August 20, 2012

Visitors to Thailand... Notes for Expats families

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A warm welcome is always assured in Thailand..... From the Thai's that is.

When it comes to pleasing us crusty expats, it's a different matter altogether.  If you are here on Holiday, we won't notice you, and other than the excessive drinking and lack of fashionable clothing, you won't notice us either.  I'm thinking of when these visitors are family, friends, ex-colleagues or just general free-loaders.. You know the ones...

"ah Hi Sam, erm I mean Steve, yes that's it, Steve,  my mum worked near the Council Office in Harrogate and says her boss, Don, or was it Peter? once asked you to serve some Court Papers for him!.... told me to look you up (bum off you) if ever I was in Malaysia, sorry , Thailand"   

Ok, come on in then... but you pay for your pies!!!.

For visiting family and friends it's easier to get off on the right foot with that long lost loved one if you follow the rules.  Using myself as an example, the first rule is..

"The welcoming smile and hospitality due are directly proportional to the amount of Yorkshire Tea bags, Sainsburys's mature cheddar, squeezy branston pickle, & tins of custard (Birds) delivered"

The details will differ across nationalities but the basic rule stands.... Come loaded.  Clothes can be easily and cheaply purchased when you get here and you will not need that Arran Sweater in Thailand (dad!).  Two pairs of shorts (old if you want to blend in with me) and T-shirts will suffice and perhaps one nice shirt in case we have to go to the Police Station for any reason. Other than that, the suitcases should be packed with goodies.

Duty free is not such an issue out here as we don't pay too much for it here anyway.  Yes, we'll drink it, and by all means bring it, but please ensure it is in addition to the above items and not instead of any of them.  Especially the cheese!!!

Rule number two.  No, and I repeat NO, as in "not any ever" photos of us at school when we had nick names such as chubby, spotty, fudgey faggot ( I really had a mate with that name), etc.  This will only see you swiftly  vacating the spare bedroom and checking into the local B&B next to the Karaoke bar and opposite the all night market.  Don't.

This will ensure a happy and pleasant stay in the Land of Smiles and if all goes well, you may even be invited back before the cheese runs out!!!

Not mentioning anybody by name here!!

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